You know what really grinds my gears, the lady on the subway.
You know the one I'm talking about, the one who makes room to read the paper while the rest of us are struggling to find a handle or bar to hold on to. What's really important in that daily free paper anyways? Was it so urgent to find out how Angelina's twins are, or that it's raining. Could you not have waited until you got to the office to find this out? I mean, you already know it's raining outside. Instead, you just stand there in the middle of a crowded subway train rapidly flipping through the pages of this massive paper. It's OK that I have some severe paper cuts on my upper arm from you and your paper, because now you know that Angelina's twin girls might be fraternal. In the time it took you to flip through that entire paper, you couldn't have possibly read anything else.
It's a good thing that those two seats became available, you and your paper need them. Don't feel shy, you go ahead and take both seats. Who knows what damage could happen to your legs from standing on them for ONE EXTRA STOP.
Woman, if I see you tomorrow I'll be sure to tell you the overnight gossip as I roll up your paper and smack you around.
And that's what really grinds my gears.